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Starry Gordon's avatar

Dear Boris,

I believe I may have the solution to Mrs. Olga Zinoviev's problem with alien forms of thought. This is a problem in so many monster-sized states, not only Russia, but also the USA, China, and probably the Moon -- true, a low population but a lot of room.

First, we need to review an A.E. Housman passage:

"That two and two add up to four,

And neither five nor three,

The heart of man has long been sore,

And long 't is like to be."

Ironically, part of the passage was used by the author Helen McInnes as the title of an anti-Communist novel in the war -- you've guessed it -- against alien thought in America, that is, against subversive Communism which was going to take over everything by controlling the movies, or television, or the Democrats, or something.

So what is the answer hinted at here? It's _Sovereign Arithmetic_. Instead of using the ancient stuff concocted by swarthy Hindus and Greeks of dubious erotic habits, where 2 + 2 always add up to 4, every country can have its own arithmetic, and the result of 2 + 2 can not only be 3 or 5, but anything our duly constituted legislatures and great leaders want it to be.

Now, I admit this sounds a bit like Postmodernism, but that problem can be solved by Hobbes's method for curing geometry of its curious ideas about the sum of the interior angles of a triangle -- force. Call the cops! Olga has already come up with this idea in part, according to your report. She just needs to build some more jails and she's good to go.

So, could you forward this suggestion to her and her friends? I've misplaced her address; plus, it was written in those funny characters you guys insist on using, which are cute but hard to get into my computer no matter how I twist the keyboard. I'll take care of things on this side of the Atlantic. Spasibo!

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Alan Hodge's avatar

This is not a Russian problem. The campaign to sterilize public discourse is being conducted simultaneously on every inhabited continent.

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